im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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