someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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