Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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