If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize