maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
