Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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