I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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