the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
