Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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