Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
