and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
