So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
