this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
