WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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