New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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