Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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