Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My brain says no but my pants say off.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
