I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just invented taco cereal.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
