farters have to be the big spoon...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
