i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
