She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
