It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
