my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
