All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You are the jesus of drinking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
