I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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