WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
