Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
