the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
