Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
