my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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