Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
