so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My sheets look like a crime scene.
North Korea, Best Korea!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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