it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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