What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
