She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
