If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize