We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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