we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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