someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
