apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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