who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
either way he was missing a nipple.
birth control should be required to get into college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
