im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
