I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
