Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
