see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
