Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
