My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
