True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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