ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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