Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
