he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
