Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
