I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
