I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
