belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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