Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
