Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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