I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize