I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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