matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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